The Hunger to Be Seen

Day three at Birnam Arts.

Today felt really good. The space to fully re-read the first chapter of Alan Downs' The Velvet Rage — sticky notes out again, statements and single words that resonated, captured and then reorganised on the studio floor. The compass is working.

One of the most profound elements of the book is the need for validation. And — I'm really paraphrasing here — how for gay men that validation can be so hollow. Because what we're often validating is a pseudo-self. A version of ourselves we built for survival in a heteronormative world.

I feel the work is going to focus strongly on this. Validation and invalidation. What it means to be seen. And whether being seen is ever enough.

And then the irony lands.

Here I am, writing a post, sharing my process and dear reader, I want you to validate me. The hunger is real. But the bigger question, the one I'm sitting with, is whether that validation is genuine or whether it simply validates my pseudo-self all over again.

The book keeps asking the hard questions. It seems I'm starting to as well.